Getting out of your own way.

I’ve recently decided to take a moment to focus on some further study. Whilst the change of pace and rhythm has brought many benefits (I can work from wherever I want, and I’ve developed some great new habits), the challenge of controlling anxiety around income (or lack thereof) and my self-ingrained personal image is starting to rear its head. I’ve worked hard to get to this point, and taking a pause from the hamster wheel feels … off. But why?

I acknowledge first and foremost that being able to take a break from work is an absolute privilege that many people aren’t able to afford. My last proper break was a two week holiday in June 2019, and with the challenges of the last two years I’ve now permitted myself some time to reorient. I’m using this time to focus on putting effort into shifting gears and sharpening a set of valuable skills.

The challenge is, though, that as I start to imagine where I want to go to from here, I get in my own way—that little voice in the back of my head chimes in to play devil’s advocate. I’m sure you’ve experienced it before, too. Those negative thoughts that get in the way of us advancing; the thoughts that undermine our intentions and the actions we take. “You’re not good enough.”

Nasty, right. 

I’ve helped others do the things that I want to do—so why, then, do the rules not apply when I try to do those things for myself? Why, when I want to help myself, do I somehow deny myself?

The ebb and flow of confidence is something that I’ve battled with for years. At times I feel like I can do it—I can push through and take control of my future—and at others, I feel like it’s all a burning hellfire of insecurity and self-doubt way beyond my control. It kind of sucks to admit that.

I acknowledge, though, that I’m not alone in my experience, and I’m aware of my self-imposed barriers. It comes with the territory of change and trying to do something new—the fear of how others will perceive what you’re doing and the question of if there will be an audience out there who find value in what you’ve got to offer.

This morning I picked up a copy of the new Seth Godin book, The Practice, that I’d had on hold at the library. Seth had this to say towards the beginning of the book, which I found particularly timely. “Our lives follow a pattern. For most of us, that pattern was set a long time ago. We chose to embrace a story about compliance and convenience, the search for status in a world constrained by scarcity. The industrial economy demands it. It prods us to consumption and obedience. We trust the system and the people we work for to give us what we need, as long as we’re willing to continue down the path they’ve set out for us. We were all brainwashed from a very early age to accept this dynamic and to be part of it.”

What Seth says gives great context to how we feel when we do something new. It acknowledges that we’re all part of a more extensive system that has shaped our behaviours, beliefs and comfort zones. It helps to contextualise why we put ourselves in categories and how it can be challenging to change our patterns (of behaviour, thoughts, emotions etc.) by zooming out to the macro level. It also highlights that we have a choice in how we act, though.

We chose to embrace a story about compliance and convenience, so we can choose to embrace an alternate narrative.

To break free of our self-imposed limitations, we need to get out of our own way. By this, I mean we need to learn to accept and become comfortable with discomfort and stop putting barriers in the way of action*. We need to “reprogram” ourselves to leap away from the familiar and comfortable. A large part of that challenge is shifting away from the ingrained norms that our culture and systems have embedded in us regarding how we should identify and behave within those structures. This, in turn, requires breaking away from the shackles of how this has been reinforced to us by others through their attitudes and actions in our lives to this point.

Being able to write this, in itself, is a push in the right direction for me. I recognise that what I’m feeling makes me uncomfortable and that I’m challenged far more than I thought I would be by this transition, this stage of the journey. I feel lighter just being able to share it and feel more resolute in my endeavours—thank you!

There’s a lot to be said on this topic, but to close out this post and save something for later, I’d love you to reflect on a time that your own thoughts have stood in the way of action. What did you do to overcome those insidious little seeds of doubt? Ask yourself where they came from, how did they affect you and did you find a way to overcome them? For me, acknowledging that they’re there and understanding their germination is the first step.

If you’re comfortable sharing, I’d love you to pop your learnings and experiences with “getting out of your own way” down in the comments section below. We’ve all got something to learn from one another, and collectively, our tools and knowledge are powerful.

*I acknowledge that I have the privilege of choice to break away from certain barriers, where others do not. There are many broken and oppressive systems, whether by design or not, that stand in the way of all people having a choice in how they can exist in this world and in our society. This is something that I have experienced first hand through my work and acknowledge as being a privilege I enjoy as a white, male-identifying, middle-class Australian.